Interview: Gnat
L.A. based singer-songwriter Gnat has released their debut single, “Fill”! A heartfelt and raw track, “Fill” is full of beautiful harmonies and paints an immersive picture about dealing with the loss and aftermath of a breakup. Group Chat Mag sat down with Gnat to talk about the process of creating “Fill”, their upcoming EP, and how they maintain their authenticity as an artist.
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GCM: Could you start by telling your name and a little bit about yourself?
Yes, definitely. My name is Gnat, my artist name is Gnat with a G at the beginning, like the bug. And I am a singer-songwriter. I'm about to release my first ever single called “Fill” at the end of this month, and I am located in L.A. right now, but originally from Seattle, and I've been making music my whole life. I was in a band for two years, but I'm making music by myself now. I’m very excited to be starting that journey.
GCM: What was the transition from being in a band to being a solo artist like?
Yeah, so actually I was a solo artist originally, like in high school, but that was mostly just because none of the people that were in my community felt like good creative partners for me specifically, so I just was like compelled to write and perform by myself, but I never ended up recording any of that stuff. And then in college, I had a really, really good friend who just decided one day that he was like, “we're starting a band and you're going to be in it.” And that was awesome. I loved doing that with him. And we ended up taking that pretty far and recording two albums, one of which is out, and the other one will come out in, like, a couple months now.
Despite the fact that it was amazing, and I loved it so much, I graduated, and so did he, and our third member went and studied abroad in Japan, and it just is a thing that, for us specifically, has to exist in person. So we just kind of, you know, put an end to it. We recorded our last album and were just like, I love you guys. We're going our separate ways now. I'm open to being in a band again, because I thought it was so fun, but I do think that going back to solo work has pushed me a lot as an instrumentalist because I have to play all of my own instruments and also has made space for a level of authenticity and vulnerability that I couldn't necessarily have with other people, no matter how close or comfortable I felt with them.
GCM: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, especially being able to make songs more personalized to things you've experienced rather than a group experience altogether. Where do you pull some of your inspiration for your work?
It kind of comes all from, like, situations or feelings. I know some people, write about things that aren't necessarily true to them in that moment or whatever, but I have always been compelled to write about– I think writing music is a bit of a coping mechanism for me, or at least that's how it always starts out, and so if I'm in a situation that I feel uncomfortable with, most of the time, it's like a negative feeling, that's what drives me to start writing a song. So I think that the seed is in a feeling or an experience and then it all evolves from there.
GCM: Sound-wise, I saw in your description that people that like Phoebe Bridgers or those types of artists would like your music. Is that like your main inspiration or does it just happen to be like, that's kind of what you remind people of?
That's a good question. I appreciate that actually because it's not what I listen to. I don't know why I somehow have ended up writing music that I don't really listen to, but I love and respect those artists as creatives. Specifically with Phoebe Bridgers, I never got into her or Boygenius, even though people are loving them these days. I think I tend to listen to a little more Folk-folk direction or like rock-alternative direction. And I think somehow those two genres have just smashed together in my brain to create this version of singer songwriter. But yeah, when people go to my shows and stuff, they end up making those comparisons to Phoebe Bridgers or with “Fill”, the song coming out at the end of the month, specifically I get a lot of Billie Eilish, which is great. She's a very talented artist, so that's high praise.
GCM: Can you tell me a little bit more about “Fill” and where that song came from?
Yeah, for sure. “Fill” came from a breakup. I was in a really long term off and on relationship for a while, and the first time that we properly broke up and stayed broken up for longer than a couple of weeks, I spent the whole summer by myself pretty much. It was the sort of breakup that happens when you both know that it's the right thing to do, but like, neither of you want to, and so it sucked, it was this very devastating loss. And I went from spending all of my time with them to just feeling so alone and feeling like I had lost a vital part of my day-to-day life, kind of like eating or drinking or sleeping or whatever. So I think that's where the hunger analogy came in that you see throughout “Fill”, because it felt like that person was a part of my, not life, but like, necessary for being alive, and I didn't know how to exist without them.
And then I also didn't know, I was kind of on this like crazy binge and purge bit with rebounds and stuff. Just like being really alone and feeling isolated, and feeling completely devoid of touch and intimacy and then like going way too hard into that way too quickly with other people and then flying away and being like, “Oh, my God, what have I done?” It's kind of gross. So “Fill” happened after one of those. I just woke up the next day and was like, “This is– I feel horrible.” And I ended up coming to the conclusion that I needed to be done with that ex, and that I needed to find some real self discipline in that situation, which writing the song taught me.
But it was really a chaotic period for me. Sorry, that was a rambly answer, but it's a bit complicated, the lore there.
GCM: No, I don't think that was a rambly answer at all, I think, if anything, you're just being real. So, yeah, thanks for sharing that. I know that it's not easy to end things with anybody for any reason, especially not when you don't want it. But, yeah, the song itself is absolutely beautiful. And I saw you had talked a little bit about, like, a five day studio session. How did this studio session go? Did that bring up a lot of crazy feelings for you, and, like, how did it all come together?
Yeah, that's a good question. You're the first person I've told this to, actually. So I did end up, after writing “Fill”, which was over the summer in like July-ish, a couple years ago, I went back to L.A. for my last year of college, and I ended up getting back together with that person. And then we were together for that whole school year, and then I had this studio session lined up, which was always going to be five days, that was part of it. I had the studio session lined up with my producer, who is now one of my best friends, but I barely knew and I had to stay in her house and it was going to be this like, crazy thing.
So I was already very nervous. And then 3 days before I had to leave to go to San Jose to record, I found out that that person had been cheating on me, the person that “Fill” was originally written about. So then we broke up again for the last time, and I flew up to San Jose with, like, the freshest breakup possible and had to stay in a stranger's house, basically, and just pour all those feelings into the recording session.
So it was– it was insanely vulnerable and emotional and kind of torture to think about all day, but it was also so cathartic. And I improvised a lot of the harmonies that are in that song and also a lot of the instrumental parts I just kind of came up with on the spot. And I think it was honestly really good that I had those raw emotions because I was channeling all of that directly into the tone of my voice and whatever feelings were evoked from the guitar part or the bass part or the way the harmonies were working together.
But yeah, we actually recorded the whole EP in five days. So “Fill” was a one day thing. Every song got just one day. So it was like, you know, just rip the band aid off. We're doing this song. You're going to feel all these feelings and then onto the next, which was really intense, but ended up being super gratifying. And I loved it. And now I'm very good friends with my producer.
GCM: That's awesome. Some of these other songs on the EP, do they kind of follow the same theme as “Fill”?
Yeah a little bit. I would say sonically “Fill” is pretty different. It's definitely the highest energy song on the EP and it has the most like layers and such.
But, kinda as I was recording it, I realized that all of the songs had this through line of like, disappointment or absence. Like all of the songs have been written about moments in which I felt let down by someone or let down by myself or like there was something missing in some way. I'm very much a perfectionist and kind of a control freak and I think I wrote a lot of these songs about situations in which it couldn't be perfect or I wasn't in control.
So the EP is called “It Better Be Perfect”, and it's got a lot of different sounds on it generally, which I'm really excited to share. But thematically and like, emotionally and lyrically, it definitely matches “Fill”.
GCM: That's awesome. How do you deal with losing control of some situations? Like is music your number one outlet or are there some other ways that you go about gaining control in your own life?
It's definitely music and therapy. That's like my biggest problem, is just feeling out of control. Like when I realized I was late to this interview. I was like ripping my hair out for a second. Like, “I can't believe I lost the plot for myself like this”. But I find that to be a really stress inducing situation, like feeling like I've forgotten something important or like someone's angry at me and there's nothing I can do to fix it. Or like, I've been cheated on and I'm heartbroken and, and it feels like, “What did I do to deserve this?” And all of that, I think especially those big feelings, like being cheated on, go into music pretty directly. I also think that to a certain extent, those really big feelings that can't be processed any other way, sort of feel like the muses speaking to me, like, “it's time, it's time for another one. We had to force it out of you”.
GCM: Well, it seems like a great outlet, it seems to be working well for you. You have great music.
Thank you. It gets the job done for sure. I'm a relatively balanced person, but if it weren't for music, I don't think I would be.
GCM: Tell me a little bit about your life as well outside of music as well. Can you tell me, like, what you do for work or for school and maybe a little bit about this new relationship that you're in?
Yeah, so I went to Scripps College in Claremont, I don't know if you're familiar. But I studied English with an emphasis in creative writing there, and I did the poetry track in that. I'm no longer in school, but I loved school, and I wrote a really insane thesis that was like 50 sonnets or something. I love poetry, that's a big thing for me too, just writing in general. I’m also a poet, an oil painter, and a ceramist. I just love art in general. Expression through art seems to be the most cathartic thing for me, so I do a lot of that. On a day-to-day level, I work at LACMA, the Los Angeles County Museum of Art.
So, professionally, I guess I'm going in more of the visual art direction, but I don't want to. I want to be a musician. I love performing. I love writing. I love recording. I love the whole thing. So, I just kind of am like doing whatever right now as I make music.
And then my current girlfriend is actually, my best friend of the last, like, nine years. We started dating about a year and a half ago in our last semester of college. And she's awesome. She inspired one of the songs on the EP also, and she does not disappoint me, she’s a fantastic person. And I'm really happy, which honestly makes it hard to write songs sometimes. Cause it's good when people mess with your feelings. It's very inspiring, and she doesn't really do that.
GCM: That's good. I guess maybe it's a good thing. She's not having you write songs then.
Probably. Yeah. I have written quite a few songs about her anyways, just like situationally. Because she's– she's in grad school and she ended up going to school in LA, but for a while there, it seemed like maybe she was going to go elsewhere in the country. And that made me spiral in a crazy way. So yeah, one of the songs on the EP is about that. But like, she is a person… If we could exist in a vacuum, we would be perfect together. It's just like sometimes the world gets in the way a little bit.
GCM: Yeah. What's the name of the song on the EP that's about her?
Oh yeah, that's called “Directed Evolution”, which is a reference to the type of science that she does, where she puts a bunch of, like, tiny single cell organisms in like, a little world together, and then makes them rapidly evolve, such that ideally like a new mutant will form. This is so funny, a musician trying to explain really complicated science.
Like the goal is to get natural evolution to create the desired outcome, and you do that by just putting it in this really high pressure situation and making the society evolve really quickly. And the song is called that because that felt like what was happening to us at the time, and I was really looking for this desired outcome of her ending up here with me, but you know, natural evolution can go whatever direction it wants to and you don't really have control over it.
So I felt like I was running an experiment on myself a little bit and it was a really painful time for us when she was trying to figure out what the right direction for herself was, and it wasn't about me so I had to kind of let go of that a little bit. However, the song is me admitting that it is kind of about me and that I wanted it to be about me and that I was going to be really, really, really sad if she left. And it worked because she stayed.
GCM: That's great. I totally get that. Especially with college relationships. It's hard to know where everyone's going and what's happening and life is just so unpredictable.
Yeah, for real, it is, but it's working out so far.
GCM: I would assume that there's probably a big difference between the Seattle and L.A. music scene, right? Have you experienced a big culture shock in that way?
Yeah, I'd say so. I mean, it's kind of hard, because I was a kid when I was in Seattle, because I also went to college down here. So it's been a long time since I was in the Seattle music scene and I wasn't, you know, like being professional about it. I was in high school, so I'm not 100 percent sure what the real scene is for people who are pursuing it in a serious way up there.
Down here, it's definitely competitive. And a little stressful at times, I feel like there are just so many people here who are really talented and really dedicated, and many of them are focused on finding commercial success in a way that is hard for me to want to do without compromising my artistic vision.
So I have found a lot of people here that I really feel like I'm in close community with, and who really agree with me on that and are trying to find ways to authentically be themselves. But Los Angeles culture definitely has an emphasis on being a content creator and, like, kind of running your own marketing all the time and recording your life constantly, which I think some of the people who have lived down here longer are more accustomed to doing or like are fine with that as an expectation, and I'm definitely still getting used to that.
GCM: Does that feel a bit invasive at times for you or is it just more like I guess is it like not wanting to be on camera or not wanting to share that much of your life?
I think it's like, I am worried I'm gonna stop having authentic experiences if I'm thinking all the time about like, “oh this is really funny, let's pause what's happening and like just put my phone up and like take a video of this interaction that we're having”.
Like earlier today my girlfriend and I were doing a really hilarious Jacob Collier impression back and forth at each other. And I was like, “man, this would do numbers on TikTok”. But like, I don't want to be like, “Actually, Clair, stop. I'm gonna record this joke,” you know, I feel like it wouldn't be funny anymore.
The minute I'm like, “I'm gonna show this to other people,” it's like, I would kind of lose myself in it. So just having to think about that all the time has been a bit of a burden on my brain. Like, having all of these real interactions with my friends and loved ones, and then having this little bug in the back of my head being like, the value of this exists in the fact that other people might like watching it instead of the value of it exists in the fact that you're authentically connecting with somebody, you know.
GCM: Yeah, I definitely get that. Do you ever feel that way with any of the producers that you've run into? Like, do you ever feel like your actual art is being stunted in that way at all? Or is it mostly just like through sharing your life that you feel that?
Yeah, good question. Cause I know a lot of people do have that problem. I think that's a huge issue in the music industry, like producers and labels through producers attempting to push specific narratives or specific sounds or whatever. I'm really lucky because my producer that I pretty much work with exclusively on my solo stuff is incredibly talented and professionally trained and has access to all of this really great equipment. But she definitely like took a step back from the music industry because she didn't like that dynamic, so she's actually really dedicated to helping me achieve my vision, and she is personally invested in it. So I'm, I'm really fortunate because she does all of this work for me for free because she just loves the music that I make. She has chosen me because she really clicks with it, which means I don't really have to compromise anything because she is just as invested as I am, which is really one of the luckiest situations I've ever encountered. I don't know how I ended up being the person that got that, but I'm really glad that I am.
GCM: Yeah, that's amazing. How'd you guys meet? Or like, how'd you start making music together?
She was my friend's older sister. And my friend sent her a video of me performing for this school thing one day and my producer Sam was like, hold on a second. Like, who is that? And she used to live in LA. So we met one time, and did a tiny, mini session in her living room. And then she ended up moving to San Jose, but that one session was kind of enough for us to like, see each other and be like, I think this is gonna work, and then it did.
GCM: That's great! How long have you guys been working together?
That was like, oh my god, it was like two years ago at this point, which is crazy because it means I've been sitting on this EP for two years. I will say the exchange of having somebody work for you for free is that they need to do all of the stuff that pays them before they work on your stuff. So it definitely took a while, but that was also because she was so dedicated to really realizing the vision. And I'm super lucky that she did that. But yeah, it's been a minute since then, but we've had a really good professional and personal relationship ever since then. Like I'm flying up to the Bay to play bass on her music in a month and we have been, you know, seeing each other every so often.
GCM: In your past working in a band and also with producers, what is one thing that helps you connect with the other people that you're working with?
Oh, I don't know. I feel like I've had in my life two real, like, soul connections. Like, “Oh my god, we're meant to make music together,” connections, and it is with Sam, my producer, and Christian, the guy that started the band with me. He's the guitarist and other lead singer in my band, Dinner With Me, and I genuinely– I'm not sure what made it that way.
To a certain extent, I kind of feel like I'm just the recipient of it. I'm not sure I've ever gone out and been like, “Hey, you, like, I think we're gonna really click.” I think with both of those people, they've found me somehow. You know, with Sam, it was through her sister, and with Christian it was through this music collective that we both joined freshman year of college and he just walked right up to me, kind of like a kid on a playground and was like “You wanna be friends?” and I was like sure. And it was awesome, because it never felt like he was trying to flirt with me, or there were, like, any weird ulterior motives, like, it really did seem like the minute I played a song for him, he was like, “This is cool, you and I are musicians together now, and that's our thing,” And maybe that's what it is, maybe it's like, the people that I feel like I have that genuine connection with are people who are just sort of like, let's not waste time having another kind of relationship.Our connection and our friendship and everything is like predicated on creating together in a way that doesn't like do a disservice. It doesn't dismiss our personal connection. It adds to it. I think that's the feeling that I've had with all of those people, just those people, I guess.
GCM: Do you still keep up with him?
Christian? Yeah, I do for sure. I mean, we're still in the process of mastering our second album. So we do a lot of talking about music. And I went and visited him– He lives in New York now– I visited him in September. And yeah, we talk. He's like my best friend, we have a matching tattoo, so you know having our relationship revolve around music definitely was good for it, it didn't take away from our friendship, like he's gonna be my, my best man or something, I love that guy.
GCM: So when is this new EP set to release?
Yeah, it's gonna come out May 2nd. Which is awesome, that's really soon. I'm a little scared. And I actually just booked the release show, so if anybody who ends up reading this wants to come see it, that's going to be at Club 2G on May 12th, and that's kind of all that is out there so far.
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Thank you to Gnat for taking the time to talk with us. Be sure to check out “Fill” out on all streaming platforms now and "“It Better Be Perfect” out on May 2nd!